By DAN LANGFORD

I was talking to my 91-year-old uncle the other day when he told me he had misplaced his eyeglasses and like to have never found them. I don’t know how folks might express that in other parts of the country, but it surely sounds Southern to me. “Like to have never” just has a sort of emphasis and relief in it that “almost didn’t,” for example, doesn’t have.

It may have taken me a while, for example, to replace the belt on my lawnmower; but if I say “I like to have never gotten that belt replaced,” I imply a tremendous effort followed by an immense sense of relief at my accomplishment.

I like to have never learned how to use certain aspects of technology, but I’m tickled that I did because it allows me to communicate with fine folks like you.

Dan Langford